Comfortably numb

BRENDAN McMANUS SJ :: I’m a bit of a 70s music fan having been a teenager back then. Pink Floyd was one of my favourite groups, and their music seemed to speak to me then of the dangers of commercialism, the loss of humanity and alienation. One song called Comfortably Numb, featuring one of the best guitar solos ever (in my humble opinion), was apparently about bassist Waters going on stage while medicated for anxiety and feeling disconnected.

Even now the song seems to describe the modern condition of anaesthetising oneself, whether that be with food, entertainment, and stimulants. Being numb seems like a pleasant state in that it successfully avoids pain but it also avoids life and the unpredictability, and ultimately any real happiness.

This is what Ignatius Loyola would call desolation; it’s maybe not immediately obvious but it is a subtle move away from God and the fullness of life into a kind of trance state of low energy and little real engagement.

Desolation is often defined as a lack of peace or unease, though it can be confusing as it sometimes features superficial delight. Comfortably Numb captures this experience of settling for the less or the easy option. If we are honest however, it is an experience of being out of tune with the Spirit, turned in on oneself and isolated. Ironically, in a positive sense it is a sign of God’s intervening to stir us to action and renewal.

It can be hard to identify because there can be this temporary thrill or excitement that goes with desolation, but as St Ignatius discovered while daydreaming of romantic deeds, it doesn’t last. This is why the simple act of reflection on our inner life of moods and feelings can be helpful in identifying desolation, uncovering the false or superficial fleeting pleasures, and crucially, moving out of it.

The good news is that hidden within desolation is a paradoxical invitation to let God in; it does demand courage and perseverance but it is an invitation to ‘turn around’ or redo things. With just some openness and with God’s help (always available), it can be transformed.

Exercise:

1. Find a place of quiet, turn off all electronics and look inside yourself. This can be a little terrifying initially (“what will come up?”) and can feel a bit unpleasant at first as often you’re not accustomed to it.
2. Try to figure out what you are feeling. Again this can take a while; remember that it is not thinking, thoughts can initially flood into silence and be a bit overwhelming, but again, it’s worth staying with it to ‘befriend’ oneself and dig down to our fundamental goodness, God given, that lies below the thoughts.
3. Feelings are our friends in that they are based in the body and always tell us something. They can be pleasant or unpleasant, but mostly they just are: try to stay with them until you can identify certain currents or themes. For example, some things that might emerge include grief or loss of someone dear; anger at someone or a situation; frustration at life or inertia; longing for change; unrequited love etc.
4. Try to figure out what these feelings could mean and what you could reasonably do; ask for God’s help in this: make it a prayer of your desire for a better life, for more meaning and purpose, e.g., “Help me live the life that you want for me; help me overcome fear and procrastination; give me the courage to act wisely.”
5. Try to focus this into some simple actions that you could take that would move you in the right direction, just small steps (too much idealism or perfection will get in the way).
6. Just do it! Start by making small changes and reflect at the end of each day about how you are (see my post on the Examen »).