Ridding oneself of repetitive thoughts
Brendan McManus SJ :: Praying with repetitive disturbing thoughts: wrestling the internal demons to the ground
It all began innocently enough; there was a situation at work whereby I said that I would be reachable on my retreat in case they needed me. Well, I began to think about this situation and next thing I knew I was checking my phone obsessively to see if there were updates, and thinking about the issue almost exclusively. Eventually I realised that my peace of mind was gone and my retreat was being derailed. And no one even contacted me!
What happened to me is commonly known as being stuck in your ‘head’, locked into a troubling or corrosive idea that seems to have some relevance but which is just a futile merry go round of thinking toxically, reacting internally in the body, and unable to escape this cycle. It is a terrible suffering that robs one of peace of mind and often keeps one from sleep.
To tackle this cycle the first thing you have to do is to try get some distance from it. Perhaps some meditative practice – repeating a mantra (see Martin Laird’s suggestions in his book Silent Land). Or some exercise – a walk or a swim to help get outside oneself and see what’s going on. Just realising that I’m stuck in this repetitive thought and it is driving me crazy is an important step to recognition and distance; at least you are not still in the thought. This is progress.
The second suggestion is to try and recognise that this obsession is destructive. It is not good, nor is it from God. The problem is that it appears to have real import, it can even appear constructive. It is seductive and derailing. Often it is like an old rut that your mind keeps falling into. The cycle is exhausting and draining and doesn’t go anywhere but around. Again realising that the consequences are negative is another important step.
There is a deception or lie here that needs to be unmasked; obsessive thinking superficially seems like a good thing to do. It can often seem reasonable or even logical, but it is ultimately destructive and doesn’t lead anywhere but around in a circle, keeping oneself stuck and unable to move on. Getting to see this from a clearer perspective takes enormous effort, sometimes it seems impossible. Normally we think we’re on our own here and that God has abandoned us (Psalm 22), and would never be interested in us or our mundane troubles – this is the greatest falsehood or lie but it is very persuasive and it fuels the desperation.
It is crucial to hand our thinking over to God, to make a prayer of this situation. This is not easy, admitting your weakness or powerlessness in regard to it. Asking God for help and takes some humility. St Paul tells us from his experience that “God’s power is made perfect in weakness”, paradoxical words of great hope for us in our own struggle.
Ask for the grace you need, name what it is you are desiring or looking for. Often it is simply stillness of mind and inner peace that is unmistakable and exactly the opposite of frenetic over thinking. This simple step of asking has a power, it taps into one’s heart’s desire and implicitly acknowledges that the answer is found in God, not by our own effort.
Some of Ignatius Loyola’s rules for discernment are useful here: remember that God is always with you at every moment and in everything, so God is even in this torturous over-thinking, desperately trying to reach you. Then, it is important to name the repetitive thoughts for what they are, the work of the malign spirit. This is the destructive spirit that wants to control and destroy. The Ignatian rule is that you have to act against it, doing the opposite of what it suggests: Agere contra.
Try to remember what worked for you in the past. Keep doing the things you know to be good for you: eat, sleep, exercise, talk to others, ask for help. Put good structures and habits in place and stick to them regardless of how you feel.
Throw the ‘demon’ of overthinking to the ground, cast it out from yourself, get rid of it, get free and vow to not let it enter again. Know that you will recognise it more easily next time and that you know how to ‘clear your house’, in the future.
Shore up your defences, knowing what your weak point is (overthinking) and resolving not to let it be exploited again. (Sometimes you may have to get professional help). Recognise the unhelpful dynamic early on and close it down; learn the lessons and protect yourself. Stay strong and keep close to Christ. Be grateful for any peace of mind you have achieved and translate that into a prayer habit, i.e., the Ignatian Examen, which is about being grateful. Make sure your daily prayer is rooted in meditative awareness and based in the experience of God. Prayer is not just a mental exercise, the repetition of words in a vacuum. Keep it real!
